Listening.
Thinking.
Creating.
Engaging.

The list can and does go on and on. The daily requirements of our personal and professional environments. The adjectives sound gentle, progressive, and holistic.

Then, in the middle of the night whilst attempting another round of fitful rest, these words become your resident nightmares. All the daily “doings,” and now we’re here at the precipice of the anxiety of night and the impending morning; listening, thinking, creating, and engaging. I’m here to tell you there’s hope on the horizon.

I am a Black woman, often tasked with accessing inspiration for many audiences, sometimes through an uninspiring journey. The ins and outs, ups and downs of this work, is an integral part and assumption of who we are as Black women. But the process has made me take a moment to honor myself. Although it took some time, I now realize, that remaining brave is exhausting. The innate fear of how I will be received as I move through the world requires me to leave unfettered space and time for grace, to rejuvenate the symbiotic relationship of the two acts.

Things left unsaid, don’t also dissipate. They hang in and around us, like the days of gloom after a fire. As we move through the complex process of generative leadership disruption at The Civic Canopy, I wanted myself and my colleagues to have something simple, but meaningful to hold on to after we completed the first of many tough and necessary sessions of growth. What came up for me to share, was to have some grace for ourselves, because what we are aiming to achieve requires intense bravery. Bravery, by definition, requires a sense of fear of the uncertainty of the outcome. To have a balance of both, grace and bravery, is necessary for our well-being as a team and as a part of the team contributing to the growth in our community.

I leave you to think about what it takes to be a disruptor; graceful and brave, perhaps a new perspective of change.

An excerpt from
A Litany for Survival
by Audre Lorde

And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
of indigestion
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
 
So it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive.